Winter Break

Around Thanksgiving, I was thinking, “There is a hot tub overlooking a snowy hillside with my name on it” as school got out for the three-day break. Today, the last day of school before winter break, I’m too busy to think about the break. I think tomorrow I’m going to sleep in, and as I look at my calendar, I’m shocked at how quickly I’ve managed to fill the two weeks off. There’s something almost every day already, and no “vacation” in sight. I’m going to have to make sure I leave time for baking and playing with the dogs.

I sent my kids off for winter break with a writing assignment, and they went whining all the way. They are to write a 5-paragraph compare/contrast rough draft for the book we just finished. If they were to sit down and do the whole assignment in one go, it would probably take them about an hour, give or take some middle school math… (Take the individual writing ability of the student, multiplied by a numeric ranking representing the student’s quick-thinking and critical thinking skills – 1 through 5, 1 high, 5 low – and add in the number of family, recreational, and parentally-forced activities and events in the student’s 2-week vacation… the higher the number, the longer it will take the kid to write the paper.) ONE hour out of two weeks… and yet, I know I will have students who show up on Monday, January 3rd with a bunch of excuses about why they couldn’t complete the assignment. Seriously lame. I predict an 85% homework return rate on this assignment.

Third Week of December... Two Days Until Vacation

What a crazy month. What a crazy WEEK, even. So far this week, I have had a meeting before school every day AND a meeting after school every day, as well as a sub for the second half of one day (and I'll have a sub in the morning tomorrow). Mr. Chandler has similar issues this week -- basketball supervision after school, a 3-hour class with a giant project due, etc. On top of everything, he has a sister who flew in from Africa and subsequently went into labor (long story), causing the whole family to gather at the hospital. I'm hoping he doesn't expect to be visiting her today, as I have a meeting in 15 minutes.

Winter break is fast approaching, and in spite of all the crazy, my students are holding up well. They are calm and focused, which is rare during normal weeks and downright miraculous this week. This is good because we have a LOT to finish before they leave for two weeks. Originally, I had grand plans of wrapping up a compare/contrast essay with them by the end of this week, but we're just not going to be ready. I could rush it by skipping the practice round we're doing in social studies... but it would be at the expense of their mastery of this particular writing skill, and I don't think that's wise. Fortunately, it occurred to me that it would not be such a bad thing for me psychologically (or schedule-wise) if I had to give them the first two days in January to finish up their essays. Hm... No lecturing, no activities, very little explanation, even... just students writing. I think I can handle that. That means I will be assigning their rough drafts as homework over winter break, which suits me just fine and makes their lives slightly easier.

In other news, I have once again been invited to go to the dance on Friday with one of my students. (And, again, I said no, although I managed not to laugh this time.) The other bit of seasonal middle school mischief this week is the "winter gram" sale at the student store. Students pay $1 to send a small card and a candy bar to another student. The winter grams are delivered every day during 7th period, so I get to read all the cards before I give them to the students. (I've substituted fake names on these examples to protect student identities.) Yesterday, there was one in my class that said, "To Jane. Here's some candy. From Jane." It's probably easier to send one to yourself than to get someone else to send it to you, right? I also saw one that said, "You're awesome. Love, Mom." That's sweet! Perhaps the most memorable card, although slightly depressing, was the one that said, "To Jim. I just want to be friends, sorry. From Jane." Dumped by winter gram... I don't know how a kid gets over that.

December

December is a terrifying month for teachers. The usual four weeks of school is shortened to three, and they seem to fly by at break-neck speed. The students are hyper from their time off at Thanksgiving and wired in expectation of their upcoming two-week winter break. There are holiday plans to distract everyone and concerts and field trips and the start of the winter flu season to keep students away from class. Whatever plans you had for November are probably far from completed in the classroom, while January and the middle of the school year loom over your lesson plans like a vulture waiting to rip the flesh from your dying scope and sequence. Meanwhile, the weather hovers between standard Portland rain and what I like to call the "Troutdale teaser" -- freakishly sunny with the frigid, blustery east winds. (Winter on the West Coast is a strange thing...) The Starbucks cups change color, as do the interiors of most stores, and radio stations play classic Christmas songs sung by the most unlikely artists. (I recently heard a rock-and-roll version of "O Holy Night" that I have not yet managed to forget.) For whatever reason, my local Safeway is now selling penguins in its floral department. I'm not sure why penguins are so meaningful at holiday time, except for their association with cold weather, but these were intriguing enough for us to buy one. He sits on our porch, and his name is Pierre. Why? It's December. Why not?

You're Not in Sixth Grade Anymore

At my previous school, I attempted to cultivate an image as a strict teacher. I encouraged my students to make comments about me to the 6th graders, and my 6th grade colleagues joined in as well with comments like, "Oh, Mrs. Chandler is really strict. You can't do that in her class next year." From a behavior management standpoint, this worked quite well for me. The students would come into my class as 7th graders prepped to follow a lot of rules from a really strict teacher. It was almost a shock to some of them when I turned out to be a little fun as well.

This year, quite by accident, I have developed a completely different reputation. I still operate with all of the same classroom rules that I had at my previous school, and I'm still just as kooky in the classroom as I have ever been. But I am not known for this. Apparently I am known for being a more academically rigorous teacher. My students don't necessarily know this unless they've been talking to students from other teams. But I heard 6th grade students talking about next year and advising other students that they should try to get into the upstairs team because "the downstairs team makes you work harder." I gained several students from another team this year, and a few of them like to remind me that they did not have me last year. Whenever I bring up concepts we covered in 7th grade, one of them will say, "We had [this other teacher] last year, remember? We didn't learn that." (I had to have a little chat with one of them because he started the year by saying, "[This other teacher] didn't teach us anything last year. We just colored maps." So now we've changed it to sound less like a deficiency and more like a choice on the part of the teacher. Not that a deficiency isn't also a choice on the part of the teacher--because it is--but that's a topic for another time.) At any rate, I feel more strongly than ever that my mission of preparing my students for high school is vitally important, especially when I hear what they do NOT know. So I push them academically, and this inevitably leads to quite a bit of homework for them.

My last post received a comment from Swanie Boy, who I happen to know is a middle school student himself. I was not surprised that he was amused by my students' lack of attention. Oh, yes, I've heard stories about you, Swanie Boy. I've heard stories. And now let me tell you a little story that will probably make your middle school blood run cold...

My 6th grade teacher friend came to laugh with me about a student assistant of hers who I have in LA/SS class. Yesterday, with the ominous-sounding snow forecast looming and the potential for a snow day today stirring through the school and making it impossible for students and teachers alike to concentrate, I shifted some things around in my plans and managed to send my students home with an assignment that I would normally have reserved for a weekend. My teacher friend said her student assistant was bemoaning the fact that I had given them extra homework just in case there was a snow day -- quite loudly, in front of the 6th grade students. My teacher friend said her students' faces showed their worry and fear when she told them, "That's right, and that's who you will all have next year."

Hey, Swanie Boy, why don't I send Mr. Chandler to school tomorrow with some extra homework for you?

So Much For That

We’ve been reading this novel in language arts, and today my students were supposed to pull out one significant thing from the story and explain why it’s important in the book and how it relates to their own lives. I explained that they could pick something one of the characters said in the book (quote), something one of the characters actually did in the book (action), or something that happened to the characters (event). My first class seemed to struggle with what to choose, so I went further and told them to think about the stuff that I made a big deal about while we were reading the book together. I figured this was a good way to work in a little self-depracation while jogging their memories, and it worked. One of my students raised his hand and said, “You mean like when you stop the reading to ask a bunch of questions about what just happened?” This was exactly what I meant, and the rest of the class started volunteering things that I had apparently pointed out during the reading.

This worked so well that I used the same explanation again in my other two classes. My second class did well, like the first, and came up with several ideas. It was my last class that presented the problem. I went through my explanation, and when they gave me the usual blank looks, I used the same line about ideas from the book that I made a big deal of when we were reading. As I looked out at my class, I could see that there were no light bulbs going on, no “ah has” happening. So I used what the student in my first class had said to try to help them – “You know, when I stop the reading to ask you a bunch of questions about what just happened?” I could see some recognition in a few faces, and I thought maybe they were finally getting it. Then the student who typically sits closest to me during class said, in a loud and soul-crushing manner, “Wait… You mean we were supposed to be paying attention to you when you do that?”

*Before posting this, I went back and read my previous post in which my students actually remembered things I'd taught them. Argh... It makes this post even more aggravating (hence the title).

Reading Rainbow

We started a book in language arts at the end of October, and we’ve been deconstructing some interesting pieces of it. I made the students highlight every color word on copies of the first four chapters (red, green, turquoise, etc.), and we’ve been keeping track of the sensory details the author uses to describe the setting. The students have come up with some interesting insights, and I always like it when they draw conclusions that I haven’t heard before. We tracked all of the scent and sound words in one chapter and then made a chart for each of them, and the students noticed immediately that there were far more sound words than scent words. I asked them why they thought that was, and they decided it was because of the setting. The book is set in the Cholistan desert of Pakistan, close to India, and the setting details make it clear that this truly is life in the harsh desert. So when we got to the scent and sound words, the kids concluded that the author was being real with people about the setting since the desert is a harsh environment in which the wind would probably blow away most of the scents that we’re used to. They pointed out that sand doesn’t really smell and might absorb other smells, but that the desert could still be full of sounds that would carry – blowing sand on sand, people shuffling their feet in the sand, camel sounds, etc. I don’t know how scientifically accurate we were being, but I LOVED how deeply they were thinking about this.

We also used the color words on a mood chart. The students kept track of how many color words were used on a given page, and we recorded them on a poster chart. (If you’re not familiar with poster chart paper, then you are either not a teacher or not an Office Depot junkie. I am both, and, as such, I use poster charts profusely.) Then I hid the chart for a day so that they’d sort of forget about it – which, of course, they did (because who needs to remember what colors are used in a school book when there is middle school gossip to listen to?). Then we assigned mood words to each page in that chapter. The students chose the mood words themselves, and they did a good job with it. (No surprise there… Who better to interpret moods than a bunch of moody adolescents?) Then we made another poster chart for the mood words. Finally, I pulled out the color chart and put the two charts side by side. The students themselves immediately noticed the trend – the author uses lots of colors when the mood is positive, but drops all the color words when the mood turns negative.

The high school English teacher in me (which is what I was in my former, non-middle-school life) loved these conversations and the in-depth literature analysis. I adore literature analysis! I’m not sure the students adore it, but they tolerated it well enough. And I heard them joking about the color of their moods in the hallway later that day. One girl actually turned around to another and said, “I feel rainbow today.” And the boy at the locker next to her replied, “Oh, lots of colors means you’re happy.” (Okay, I know we need to talk about how literature is not necessarily reality, but at least they’re paying attention!)

Does Our Insurance Cover Personality Transplants?

Ack… This is still upsetting to me. I have no idea how this happened, but Big Dog did something weird and painful to his back this morning and ended up in horrible pain, all twisted and crumply on the bed. I can’t stand it when my dogs are in pain; it absolutely rips my heart out. The punch line of this story is actually funny, but in order to understand the incredulity we felt upon hearing that punch line, you have to know how upsetting and traumatic our morning was. So Big Dog was quivering in a crumply heap, with a racing heartbeat and shallow breathing. Mr. Chandler immediately called the vet, and – miraculously – they were open this morning. He took Big Dog to the vet, where they pumped the dog full of painkillers and sedatives in order to examine and X-ray him. The vet said they thought Big Dog had ruptured the cushion (cartilage?) between some of his lower back vertebrae. It sounded a lot like a slipped disc to me, but I may have been mentally trying to understand by associating it with something familiar. No surgery required, fortunately, and as long as we take some precautions, Big Dog’s back should heal on its own.

Now, if I haven’t explained this clearly before now, let me paint a picture of Big Dog’s personality for you: Big Dog can be a very sweet, very cuddly dog, and he likes a good ear-scratch as much as the next canine. He likes to sleep under the covers, draped across my feet, and if I move my legs in the night, he follows and makes sure he’s still in contact with me by scooting over to lie up against my legs and feet again. He likes everyone and every thing he meets. (Seriously, he would make a terrible guard dog. He’d make friends with the burglar.) HOWEVER… Big Dog also has a wild-and-crazy side. He is a Harrier Beagle, and Harriers are bred to chase (and catch) wild rabbits. The breed is known for their running stamina and will often chase for so long that their prey eventually gives up from exhaustion. (No joke. It’s in the breed description.) Around our house, we’ve always been amused by the way he “exercises” himself. He’ll run around in circles or run laps around the living room or the backyard if he doesn’t get enough activity on our walks. As I’ve said before, he considers Little Dog to be his personal chew toy and takes great pleasure in goading Little Dog into wrestling with him. And, holy cow, this dog can JUMP. He’s both impressive and a little scary in his ability to jump over things or jump to reach things. He’s like the mutant offspring of Road Runner and a Gummy Bear. (That’s a Gummy Bear from the cartoon show, not the candy. They had a song and everything: “Gummy Bears… bouncing here and there and everywhere…” Never mind. You had to be a kid watching cartoons in the 1980's to understand.)

Anyway, this is my dog. He’s crazy. And the vet says to Mr. Chandler, “He needs to take it easy for 3 weeks. No wild-and-crazy running around.” Seriously?!

He’s going to give us sedatives, right? Oh, and can we get something for the dog, too?

Pepperoni and Pen-Spinning

Mr. Chandler and I spent a couple hours at our favorite deli/pizza restaurant this evening. We regularly frequent this restaurant. (Is that redundant -- regularly frequent?) They make fantastic sandwiches and amazingly good pizza, and the family that owns it is extremely supportive of local teachers. Plus, they have free wireless internet, so it’s a nice place to get some work done. Because there was no school today (Veterans Day), I was really thinking of it like a Saturday. So I was surprised to see two of my students walking past the windows. They saw me and ran inside and came to talk to me. They were with their friend and his parents and were the first of many to arrive for a celebratory soccer-team dinner. I introduced my students Vi and Raleigh to Mr. Chandler, and they introduced me to their friend Tommy and to Tommy’s parents. We chatted for a moment, and then they ordered pizza and found a booth. The parents sat on one side of the booth, while the three boys sat on the opposite side. They were funny to watch – arguing over who got to sit by the window and generally acting more like 5th graders than 8th graders. I like the fact that they were so comfortable with the two adults and didn’t mind spending time with them. Most 8th graders these days just want to AVOID their parents. It was encouraging to see them spending wholesome time together. Another 8th grade student of mine showed up with his family as we were getting ready to leave. They were part of the incoming soccer group as well. His mom said hi to me and pointed out that I obviously can’t escape the students even on my days off, and I laughed and told her that I didn’t mind because they’re such great kids. She smiled and said, “Oh good, I’m glad you think that… because I’m ready to send them back to school now!”

While they waited for their pizza, all three boys were spinning pens. This pen-spinning is a trend that began last spring, and it drives me crazy. They used to spin pens and pencils during class until I outlawed it. I told my students that they weren’t allowed to spin anything because they weren’t very good at it, and that their pens and pencils made too much noise when they got dropped onto a desk. The students even purchase special spinning pens with flexible rings on the end; I assume the rings act as weights of some kind, as well as decorations and possibly cushions when the pen is dropped accidentally. The two boys in the pizza place tonight are probably my two best pen-spinners, and it's not hard to see why. Apparently, when they are outside my classroom, they practice incessantly. They sat across the booth from the adults spinning non-stop. Even when the pizza arrived, one of them continued to spin his pen while trying to take a bite of his piece of pizza!

Pay No Attention to the Dog Behind the Curtain

Our dogs are frequent sources of amusement for us, mostly because they’re adorable and hilarious. Little Dog likes to climb up on the bed and bury his face in the pillows, while the rest of him is still exposed to the cold air. Big Dog likes to burrow down under the covers and allow only his nose to stick out into the room. If you scratch his belly, Little Dog will give you a high-five. Big Dog likes to play with his treats before eating them; he tosses them in the air and chases them when they bounce.

Big Dog generally regards Little Dog as his personal little-brother-punching-bag-chew-toy. He tends to chase Little Dog around the house, jumping on him, play-biting him, and trying to goad Little Dog into biting back so he can consider it a mutual wrestling game. Today, Little Dog attempted to escape the usual barrage of brotherly love by running around to the far side of the bed by the bedroom windows. He ducked his head under the curtain closest to him and sat down against the wall, hiding only his head under the curtain. Big Dog stepped back and barked at him in protest, but Little Dog just sat there. Our bedroom curtains are cream-colored sheers, so he was still visible under the curtain. He just sat there and stared out at us as if he really believed that he was successfully hidden. The weirdest part was that Big Dog sat back and waited until Little Dog came out from under the curtain before going after him again! Could the curtain actually be some kind of strange canine invisibility shield?

SUPPLIES!

(If you understand the title reference, you’re probably a kindred spirit of Mr. Chandler’s… Also, you’re probably not one of my students.)

This is one of the most random things that has ever happened to me. At the end of October, I was with Mr. Chandler and my dear friend Army Girl walking around the picturesque main street of a small town. As we walked along the last block and the daylight waned, we noticed three people jogging toward us. They were dressed as ninjas in black leggings, tunics, sashes, hoods, and partial facemasks. Each ninja carried a substantial branch of bamboo. This group of street ninjas was comprised of a tall young man and two girls, one wearing glasses with red frames. They appeared to be around 20 years old. They jogged up to us and stopped, holding their bamboo in front of their faces and peering at us through the leaves. We stopped and stared at them. They stared at us. Even Army Girl, who normally laughs at everything, paused mid-laugh to stare. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, the shortest female ninja said, “Raaahhh…” in a strange part-growl, part-battle-cry sort of noise, and the street ninjas ran off into the night, jumping and yelling and brandishing their bamboo. We watched them run off, and then turned to stare at each other incredulously. Then, of course, we all started laughing… because, really, what else can you do when you’ve been accosted by random street ninjas?

The Great Pumpkin

Mr. Chandler bought a white pumpkin. I have no idea what makes white pumpkins white, but this pumpkin is really, really white. There has to be a variety of pumpkin that comes out white as a rule, but I’ve never heard of it. I’ve only had one other experience with an albino vegetable. I remember digging in the rose garden once when I was in middle school and finding what looked like a white carrot. It was rather thick for a carrot and tasted a little off… but at least my mother let us cut into it and taste it to find out. This September, I actually discovered a white “carrot” at my favorite produce store, and they called it by some other name – a name that made me think the white carrot was not actually a white carrot after all.

I’ve always liked pumpkins. When I was in elementary school, my brother and I had a strange accident with a pumpkin. There was a flowerbed next to our front porch and sidewalk at our house in Gresham, and one year, around Halloween, my brother kicked over a pumpkin that still had seeds inside it. The pumpkin and the seeds spilled into the flowerbed. The following year, our flowerbed was full of pumpkin vines. The vines yielded at least two full-sized pumpkins, which we made good use of for Halloween – free carving pumpkins!

This year, we have a small pumpkin – purely because it was too adorable to resist when we were at the produce store. It even has the tiny little curly vines attached to its stem. We also bought a small squash that looks like a mini-pumpkin, and now we have the albino pumpkin as well. Mr. Chandler has been calling it a ghost pumpkin, which might be more appropriate for Halloween. Our kitchen table looks like a pumpkin patch for mutant midget pumpkins.

Blue Light Special

It’s the weirdest thing… Today, as we were writing in our student planners (or, more accurately, while I was taking attendance and the students were writing in their planners), a student said, “Oh, it’s Yom Kippur today!” I gave him a weird look, and he laughed and said, “What? It’s an important celebration day for my people.” I said, “Are you Jewish?” to which he responded, “I’m a ginger.” …as if that explained everything. This was new to me; I hadn’t heard of orange hair and pale, freckled skin as a common genetic pattern for Jewish people. Out of curiosity, I asked if he was Irish, and he said, “I’ll be Irish tomorrow.” (…again, as if that explained everything. This student has a fantastic dead-pan delivery.) But for today, he was content to stay Jewish. I asked him how he would celebrate Yom Kippur, and he said he would, and I quote, “Party down with my goats and yaks.” (And after all, isn’t that what Yom Kippur is for?) Yes, he said yaks. He informed me that yaks are very popular these days.

As if that weren’t strange enough, in a later class period, another student noticed the same holiday in the planner and then made a similar comment about it. When I looked at him askance, he laughed and asked if he could bring a yak to school for a class party. I can’t imagine that this was a coincidence – two different boys talking about yaks on the same day? I responded to this second student (who is not a ginger, in case you were wondering) by asking, “Why does everyone have yaks all of a sudden?” By way of a response, the second student said to me, “I think there was a yak sale at K-Mart.”

It's Like a Mosh Pit in Here

So we made it through the first week of school unscathed – mostly. Schedules are mostly settled, lockers are mostly assigned, and students mostly know how to open them, the kids are mostly behaving themselves… And I’m mostly exhausted. I have the largest homeroom class in the 7th and 8th grades with 34 students. When I walk into my class in the morning, passing the silent 28 kids next door, I walk into chatter. My regular classes are the same. After homeroom, I have a class of 31. After lunch, I have a class of 34. And after prep, I have a class of (*gulp*) 36. I spend most of my time shushing them. Okay, maybe not most of my time, but it certainly feels like it! I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have to shush them every 5 minutes, if not before. Every time there’s a break or a shift in the lesson, they start talking. Every time there is a transition or they have to get something out or put something away, they start talking. Every time I so much as PAUSE in what I’m saying, someone starts talking! (Seriously. They would make mincemeat of William Shatner.) In the middle of class on Friday, I was trying to give the instructions for a group activity that required them to move around in the classroom, and I was suddenly overwhelmed by the impossibility of the plan. There are just SO MANY of them…

Sometimes people seem surprised that I work during my summers. I spend my summer running summer day camps with my husband and three other leaders. We have 35 kids every week, and we organize field trips, lead games and activities, manage behavior, make them wash their hands a lot, etc. People seem so surprised that I would eat up my summer vacation time working, but it really is a vacation for me. All those kids, and FIVE leaders… It’s heaven. Now, back in my classroom, I keep looking around for some other leader to handle something on the other side of the room while I manage whatever crisis is closest to me. Tell me again why I’m supposed to be opposed to robot teachers taking over my profession?

Here We Go Again

It’s time to dust off the bookshelves and line up the desks and clean out the clutter left behind in June’s hasty exit. It’s time to crack open the textbook and make plans and curriculum maps and assignments and units and tests. It’s time to sit in meetings, itching to have more time in the classroom, desperately wishing that the speaker/principal/teacher/district office administrator would finish this part of the inservice so you can all get back to prepping for the school year. It’s time to fire up the desk computer and root around in electronic storage closets for documents you swear you saved because you just knew you’d use them again (hopefully today!), but just cannot seem to locate now, as you can’t remember what any of the cleverly-named files on your flash drive/server/desktop are actually for. It’s time to wade through a daunting mountain of emails in your inbox, to chuckle over the emails that were so crucial in June but no longer matter, and to grumble in frustration when the important email about the first day of school/locker assignments/teacher contract/building security schedule/whatever won’t print because the printer in your pod isn’t back from it’s imaginary vacation yet.

It’s an exciting and aggravating time of year. Back to the classroom… and back to the blog.

I had lofty goals at the start of the break about continuing to blog all summer long, but somewhere in June I decided to do myself a favor and take the non-school months off. If my blog is a window into my classroom and into my life as a teacher, then I probably don’t need to keep the window open when no one is home, so to speak. (I seem to have a serious thing for analogies… I’ll have to monitor that.) At any rate, taking the summer off proved to be a wise choice for me as a blogger, as my graduate classes took up most of my time, and the rest was filled by my summer job. (Note to self: do NOT try to double up on 5-week, 3-credit classes again. It might actually kill you.) But I’ve survived the crazy summer and feel NO need to tell the tale, so I will be settling back into teaching, a school schedule, and my odd little blog.

Today is the first day of school for 6th graders, although 7th and 8th graders don’t start until tomorrow. Yesterday was sunny and warm and lovely, but somewhere in the night, the weather figured out that today is a school day in September and that we live in Portland… so today it’s raining. A lot. Today’s rain features heavy, wet drops falling straight down – guaranteed to soak you on your short trek from car to school doors. The 6th graders are trudging in with a weird aura of excitement and despair surrounding them… (As I notice these things, I catch myself thinking, “This job is SO WEIRD.”) I have to go down to the gym to help the little 6th graders find their homeroom classes now. As I say in class (more times than I want to admit) -- onward and upward!

A Wolf in Summer Clothing

I find myself struggling to catch up with my life. Summer is supposed to be a slower pace, with more gentle pressures than those of the school year. And yet here I am, scrambling to make it to each meeting on time, burning the midnight oil to finish grad school papers, walking around bleary-eyed with 4-year-old campers with way too much energy. This can't be summer; this is more like February or something. Good grief...

I'm taking a grad school class in which the professor thinks I have no life. (I'm pretty sure this is a requirement for the job. The university actively seeks professors with a similar perspective.) My summer job has started, and it's a hoot. We have 21 small kids this week. I always like this part. It's nice to be around a different age-group of kids than I am with during the school year. Four-year-olds are VERY different from 12-year-olds. We had a blast at the zoo, and next week we go to OMSI on our field trip.

Things have not changed on the home front. I have big plans for the spare room, currently full of boxes and stuff... but I always have big plans for that room. I would like to paint the bathroom... but I always want to paint the bathroom. I probably won't. At least our yard is nice. Back in March, Mr. Chandler and I set a goal for ourselves: to have our backyard finished by the end of May. We weeded and planted and watered and potted and trimmed and swept and whatever else, and except for adding some extra potting soil to existing plants, we actually accomplished our goal. It's a good thing, too, because now we're swamped and have no time to work on it. I had planned to sit around pruning things in pots whenever we let the dogs run around, but instead I'm trying to get through the reading for my class. Oh well. I have a parsley plant that's now 3 feet tall. It's kind of fun.

So this summer thing, this season that's supposed to be relaxing... I think it was kidnapped by aliens and is being impersonated by something evil, something that eats up schedules and time and sleep. I hope my students are having an easier time of it.

How Many Questions Are on This Test?

School is out... and I've finally cleaned up and checked out of my classroom. I've turned in my keys and my ID badge, and I posted my grades... and I even attempted to go on vacation... and yet I still have all of these meetings to go to! When, exactly, does this school year end???

Third Week of June

Monday
The speeches began today! Granted, the students who gave their speeches today were, in general, the most responsible of my kids (those most likely to be ready for such a huge deadline on a Monday in June). Even taking that into consideration, however, I was proud and pleased with the speeches they gave today. They did a wonderful job! Also, I found myself jotting down book titles as I listened so that I could check them out from the library later on. That might be the best evidence of how well they did – that what they had to say made me want to read the books for myself!

Today was also the first day that I accepted creative projects from students, and it was quite entertaining. One of the best creative projects was a cake that was decorated to look like a concentration camp (to represent the place where the writer of an autobiography was sent by the Nazis). The student presenting this cake had constructed a small wood-and-glue cabin to represent the camp barracks and a wood-and-wire fence that looked like barbed wire. It was impressive and showed a lot of effort on the student’s part. Also, it was quite tasty.


Tuesday
Of all the days to have to be gone…
I had a sub today. There are four days left in the school year (counting today), and my students are delivering speeches and turning in their end-of-the-year projects all week (for very big grades). And I have to be gone. The real problem here is that when the Director of Human Resources says, “Let’s meet next week on Tuesday. How about at noon?” I don’t want to be the only one that tells him no! He’s sort of in charge of everyone in the whole district, and I need him to take care of some stuff for us… Argh.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite movies – Grosse Point Blank – in which one character is trying to persuade the main character Martin Blank to join his union of professional assassins. Martin’s response is to ask, “This union… are there going to be meetings?” The first man says, “Of course!” Martin says (emphatically), “NO MEETINGS,” and then sends a volley of gunfire back at the first man. That’s how I feel… With the possible exception of the HR Director and Boss of Everyone, I really wish I could just tell people, “NO MEETINGS.”


Wednesday
And the speeches continue! More fabulous speeches, more amazing projects… I’m going to save this and remind all of my kids how well it went next year when they gripe about having to do speeches or projects. Take that, lazy preteens. Institutional memory is coming back to haunt you.

I uncovered a scandalous conspiracy today. In my first period class, three students chose to decorate cakes for their creative projects. Conveniently, one presented her cake to the class on Monday. One presented his cake to the class today. And the last said she would be ready to present her cake to the class tomorrow. VERY suspicious… almost like they planned the timing so we would be eating cake on three different days this week. In fact, when I asked one of the girls about this, she smiled and refused to answer. AHA! Caught frosting-handed…


Thursday
One day left. You’d think I’d be all over this whole “getting ready for the end of the year” thing since I’ve been complaining about needing a vacation or being anxious for summer for the last four months. I’m not. I’m not ready at all. I still have to get all of the speeches done and the posters graded. I have to finish grading the mountain of work in the Late Work basket. I have to clean up my classroom and pack up my curriculum crates and inventory the books. I have to post grades and then use those to do report cards. I have to clean out the mess that is my closet (affectionately referred to in the classroom as the Closet of Doom) and repack it with 7th grade curriculum to make room on my bookshelves for the 8th grade stuff for next year. I have to finish my supply ordering. Oh, and I completely forgot about getting ready for my summer job! I have to make a final decision so that Mr. Chandler can complete our shirt order for the summer. I have to look over and make corrections to the bus schedule. I have to finalize our craft order and make a shopping list for everything we’re not ordering.

This post is making me tired. I need a personal assistant and a nap.


Friday
THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! It’s finally here! And do you think it could go according to plan? Not a chance. I had lovely ideas about showing a movie. Since we studied medieval China in May, I figured I could show a movie that discusses ancient Chinese rituals and traditions – like Kung Fu Panda. But we weren’t done with speeches or book chats or creative project presentations. During the last hour of the day, we had yearbook signing. I planned to be there for the whole time, but an EA stopped me in the hallway and made me write in the librarian’s yearbook, and then a 6th grade teacher had a question for me, and then my phone rang and I had to run back to my classroom, and then… well, you get the idea.

After school, I went to the district office to interview the superintendent for my graduate class. She was very nice, but her secretary apparently only scheduled me for 30 minutes instead of the hour I’d requested. We were interrupted for a grievance hearing (that I, for once, did NOT have to be at), so I went back to school for a little while. Then I went to a going-away party at Edgefield for a friend of mine who used to be the counselor at my old school and is moving to Nevada. There were a few people from her new school and quite a few from my old school. Strangely enough, I spent most of my time talking with two of the teachers from the pod across the hall at my current school. Parties are not my thing. Oh well… Apparently I’ve skipped enough of them that my very presence is meaningful. People kept commenting on how amazed they were to see me there, how nice it was of me to come to the party, etc. I didn’t even have to come up with any witty conversation! (You see? There’s a reason I cultivate this anti-social persona… I don’t have to work as hard at social gatherings as everyone else. It’s enough that I’m there.)


Saturday
Weird. I’m sitting at the coffee shop blogging (avoiding my grad school assignments) while this group of people is holding some sort of political meeting behind me. It’s called the Coffee Party, and apparently it’s for people who want to gather and drink coffee and talk about various political issues. That sounds... like a recipe for disaster, actually. (It sounds a little bit like communism… It’s lovely in theory, but it doesn’t work in practice.) Anyway, I can hear the lady who is leading the meeting as she talks to the group. You know how some people have that annoying habit of asking themselves a question and then answering it? (Do I want you to be successful in life? Of course. Do I think you can only do that by graduating from Harvard and becoming a doctor? No, I don’t. That sort of thing.) This Coffee Party lady is doing that. After pulling out a chart and referring to it, she said, “What am I showing you this for? I’m going to explain why.” How weird… I think the Coffee Party is not for me.

Second Week of June

Monday
The first speeches were given today! It was very exciting (for me) and terrifying (for the students). But all of the kids who gave their speeches today did a great job. My favorite part by far is when they talk about the themes in their books. I required them to identify big concepts the books deal with and, using those concepts, to pull out a universally applicable theme. It’s the sort of higher-level thinking that usually annoys them – “What do you mean, the answer isn’t in the book?” and that sort of thing… But they seemed relatively interested in exploring their own books this way this time.


Tuesday
I offered an after-school session both yesterday and today, allowing kids to stay and work on assignments they’re missing, quizzes they need to make up, and elements that will eventually go on their book posters. I was struck by the difference between my current students and the students at my old school. At my old school, they all wanted to type their projects; they seemed drawn to the computers in a way that my current students are not. My current students don’t seem to care and are perfectly happy to write out their assignments and projects, unless they have to finish the work at home. Perhaps the difference is related to access – my current students are more likely to have computers at home, while my previous kids (of a much lower socio-economic status) usually only had access to technology at school.

One of our school goals is integrating technology into education, but our current system doesn’t allow that. I would like to have a laptop lab for my classroom – a dedicated set of laptops that students could use with consistency, instead of trudging to the computer lab twice a year after I finally manage to get time on the lab schedule. Our students are sadly lacking in technology skills, including (but not limited to) their word processing skills, and the best solution to this is a little bit of direct instruction at the start and then regular exposure (practice). I usually hate applying for grants, but I might have to look into this. You know, in all of my spare time…


Wednesday
Holy cow. We had a “pride assembly” today, and it was quite possibly the craziest assembly I’ve ever attended. Our mascot is a mustang – Morris the Mustang – and the mascot costume involves a student as the front legs and head of the horse and a student as the back and back legs of the horse. As our drama teacher led the horse around by a lead rope, the student who was the back of the horse would drop wadded-up pieces of paper… as if the horse was pooping! It was hilarious, and the students loved the goofiness.


Thursday
We began rehearsing speeches today. So many of my students are really nervous about these speeches… I see a solution for them, but they don’t really want to take it. The obvious solution is more practice; instead they shy away from even writing their note cards. I’m thinking about designing some kind of lesson for next year that would teach my kids NOT to put off the tough stuff. If you ignore it, it will NOT go away. You’ll just have less time to work on it.


Friday
I began my workday today by interviewing the head secretary from my old school. I have to interview a bunch of different people for this graduate class I’m taking, and she was the first. It was nice to see her again, but hearing her perspective on her job, on schools, and on teachers and principals was even better. I wish everyone approached their jobs with the same mix of servant’s heart and efficiency. It was a lovely and encouraging way to start the day.

The evening was not nearly as encouraging. We’re in the midst of some very complicated contract negotiations with the school board right now, and we had another session tonight. We started out in public, facing each other across a table, but spent the rest of the time in our caucus rooms. We would send our spokesperson to meet in a side room with their spokesperson, and then she would come back and report to us what the other side had said. Then we would talk about our options and what we wanted to propose, and then send her back. During the waiting times, when we were sitting around while she was off in the side room, we got a little goofy. We played “Name That Show Tune” using someone’s iPod music library. We had mini dance parties when certain songs played. We drew cartoon pictures of an octopus attacking a school, a school bus driven by wild students (that was mine), and a monkey throwing fruit at kids and teachers while hanging from the top of the flagpole. (We were a little bored at times…) The negotiations themselves did not go well at all. We took some of our proposed changes back to make it easier to settle, and they added more proposed changes. We came down a little on money, and they dropped their offer more. (These people do not understand the concept of negotiating.) It was discouraging and exhausting, and I’m ready to sleep now.


Saturday
Mr. Chandler’s brother and his wife came over this morning to talk to us about the new house they just bought. It's very exciting... (And it's cute; I've seen it.) We all sat around in the back yard, enjoying the brief sunshine and watching our dogs play in the yard. They brought their border collie (my niece dog), who tried to get my dogs to play with her. Little Dog was confused by this, but he followed her around obligingly. Big Dog (who is still smaller than Niece Dog) would chase her or run from her when she chased him, but didn’t know what to do when she introduced a stick -- a fetching concept -- to the game. (We’re not big on fetching… we try to avoid letting Big Dog have anything in his mouth that didn’t come from his food bowl.) Anyway, a lovely, relaxed time was had by all.

First Week of June

Monday
Mmm… for Memorial Day, my indulgent husband took me to Barnes and Noble for an hour or so. What a lovely way to spend a holiday. I’ve wanted a B&N bag for a while now, and today I found the perfect one. Plus, we bought a new Newberry Medal book to start off our summer reading.


Tuesday
Mr. Chandler’s car was under construction this weekend, so he took my car to work today. After school, I walked to the Troutdale Starbucks to meet my best friend (Soldier Girl). It was nice to sit and talk, especially after a long, rainy day with restless pre-teens.

Tonight, as we were watching something funny and brainless on TV, I caught a phrase that I need to start using in the classroom. The twirly chair at the back of my classroom is still causing issues with my boys, but I think I found the solution. I can’t remember what show it was on, but the character in the show was having a similar problem with a chair. To fix the problem, he placed his chair in a state of eternal dibs. (What genius!) When his friends complained, he said, “Cathedra mea, regulae meae.” (That’s Latin for “my chair, my rules.”) I love it. I’m going to use that.


Wednesday
Wow. It’s only Saturday, and I’ve already forgotten what happened on Wednesday. That’s sad… I need a vacation. Perhaps a summer vacation...


Thursday
I had some students stay after school today. Some of them were making up a quiz, some of them were working on their projects, and one of them was there to serve a detention. I was supposed to be writing sub plans for tomorrow, but instead I spent my time trying to keep the students from distracting each other. (Okay, let’s be honest. I was trying to keep the one detention student from distracting all of the others.) I ended up staying at school until after 6 p.m. to get my sub plans done and my classroom set up for a sub. I’m really looking forward to this summer. At summer camp, if I get pulled into a meeting, there are four other adult staff members to keep things going, and they know exactly what to do.


Friday
My union president and I spent today in meetings together. This morning, we had a difficult meeting with a very troubled teacher who has some health concerns. I don’t know what she should do, but we wanted her to know what her options were. It was an incredibly awkward session, but then the teacher thanked us for coming to talk to her. Specifically, she thanked us for talking openly with her about things that no one else would talk about.

Usually I feel like my direct honesty is a curse; it weeds out would-be friends who aren’t willing to be genuine and causes the people I work with to pawn awkward conversations or confrontations off onto me. (Seriously, they give me all the tough ones.) To get through these, I think to myself, “I’ve been through worse. I’ve had to talk about far more difficult stuff with far more unpleasant people, and I’ve survived. I can do this.” It also helps me to tell myself, “No one else will tell this person the truth, and they’re obviously frustrated by that. I’m not going to be just one more person who gives them the ‘run-around.’ “ This approach has served me well over the last five years (which is about how long I’ve been paying attention to this stuff), and the people I’ve spoken with seem to appreciate getting the truth. About a month ago, I had an awkward talk with a teacher who was sending really angry, nasty emails to the union president. I basically told her she needed to change her tone, while still validating her concerns. Now she emails me to ask for my perspective on district decisions, school board decisions and statements, and union gossip. I’m taking that as recognition on her part that I tell the truth, and I like that.

This afternoon, our negotiations team met to talk about our contract negotiations with the school district. I’m not really a negotiator… I prefer to get to the bottom line and problem-solve. I’m too honest to start higher or lower than where I want to end up. I wouldn’t make it in a Middle Eastern market; I’m just not a haggler!


Saturday
I needed to finish a couple assignments for my graduate school class today, and my den is just not a good study location. There are friendly, cuddly dogs demanding ear-scratches, a variety of books that are way more interesting than my textbook, and Mr. Chandler’s huge flat screen TV (and my DVR). So we hit the open road in search of a more appropriate location. We settled in the lobby of one of our favorite hotels and ordered dinner from the lounge. It was nice, but I’m having a hard time with all of these spur-of-the-moment decisions. I need a plan. I need to have something planned, preferably ahead of time so I can look forward to it all week. I’m going to try to make a plan for tomorrow… I’ll let you know how it goes.


Sunday
So we came up with a plan. We bought a book of scenic drives in Oregon when we were at the bookstore on Monday, and one of the drives involves a route through the winery-packed area outside Forest Grove. It rained for most of our 3-hour journey, but it was still beautiful. The scenic winery drive wound through fields and forests west of Forest Grove and then led us through the lovely Pacific University campus. Then we headed south through more winery properties and eventually circled around an intriguing lake and recreation area (which I didn’t even realize was there). Then we headed back over hill and dale, as they say, driving across the highest point in Washington County and experiencing some pretty spectacular views in the process. We ended up in Tigard and made our leisurely way back home. It was so nice to forget about grading papers and reading textbooks and to just experience the scenery and talk. It makes me long for summer.

A Pop Quiz for ME

My favorite movie theater sends me weekly coupons because I’m a “member.” I’m not entirely sure how you get to be a member of a movie theater, but I’m part of their loyal patron group. Mostly they send stupid coupons, like discounts for weeknights on movies I never want to see. Occasionally they send me good stuff, and the truth is that I’d go see movies there with or without coupons. In addition to the weekly coupons and the ads for movies that aren’t even out yet, they include a “movie quote of the week.” It’s like my own personal pop quiz! I love it.

Occasionally my students try to give me pop quizzes with movie quotes, but they’re always super easy. (I think there’s some sort of insult buried in that! It sounds like my students think I have no life to the extent that they assume I haven’t seen even the most well-known movies…) Today, one of my girls tried a pop quiz on me. She said, “ ‘Allo, Poppet…” in a British accent and then grinned at me like I was going to be stumped or confused. (For those of you living under a rock, that’s from Pirates of the Caribbean.) I think I said something like, “Come on! You’re not even trying!” Oh well. At least my movie theater challenges me…

Fourth Week of May

Monday
My students continued working on their invention papers today. They are so creative! Some of them came up with incredibly inventive things… inventive inventions? Also, I’m so thankful that my students have internalized the writing process enough to be able to work through it without me reminding them about every single step. Several students asked for transitions lists (which is wonderful because I forgot to mention them!). The next step, then, is for them to have several transitions memorized so that they no longer have to look at a list to remember them. I’ll have to work on that. I sense an assignment coming on...


Tuesday
Today’s staff meeting was a union meeting – 45 minutes of teacher association business. We have a great building rep who usually runs these meetings (and they usually only last 10 minutes). Today, she started the meeting as usual, but within 15 minutes, she and others were asking me to clarify or add information or answer questions. By the end of the meeting, I was standing up and taking all of the questions. I don’t mind, as long as no one else minds. But I have these moments -- and this was definitely one of them -- in which I want to stop and say to someone, “What the heck just happened here?”


Wednesday
You know what this party needs? A PROJECT!
Let’s end the year with a nice, solid performance assessment. How about a speech and a poster? Even better, let’s add a choose-your-own third option as a creative project. We just did a paper about Chinese inventions, so… let’s pick something else for our project. We just finished reading a novel together, but it might be nice if the kids can choose a book they really liked for the project. Let’s make it a book report of sorts. …a book report on steroids, really. This will be great. The kids can work at their own pace with specific project deadlines, and the last week of school will be dedicated to speeches and presentations (which means no extra grading for me). This is perfect! Why didn’t I think of this before?

(I did. I’ve done a performance assessment project at the end of the year for the last 7 years, and it’s fabulous. Last year, I did two of them – Night of the Notables for my language arts kids and another version of the book-report-on-steroids for my advanced literacy kids. Projects ROCK!)


Thursday
I love this part! I introduced the book project yesterday and gave the kids a chance to go over the requirements, the due dates, and all of the parts of the project and ask their questions. Today, they get to sign up for books. Every student has to pick a book to report on, and I love getting to hear the choices. Many of them surprised me by choosing books I didn’t expect. I’m excited to see what they come up with for their projects. It makes me want to do a creative project of my own for one of my books. (But I can't. I have too much grading to do. Ugh!)


Friday
I don’t work on Fridays anymore. Have I mentioned that? I keep getting pulled into meetings on Fridays, so it’s probably more accurate to say I don’t teach on Fridays anymore. It was kind of fun the first time – three weeks ago. But now, it’s just obnoxious. And I can’t say no; the meetings I’m getting pulled into are called by my union president and the director of human resources (my bosses’ boss). Good grief. Anyway, I had a sub again today. My students started compiling their notes so they can write their speeches next week. (That might be a good plan for Friday; I’ll probably need a sub again.)

After all of my meetings, I was able to get together with my dear retired teacher-friend Gretchen again. It was lovely to sit and talk with her about our families, about our hobbies, about our husbands, about our personalities, our faith... She is truly my kindred spirit, and it refreshes my soul to spend time with her.

Then my best friend (Soldier Girl) came over so we could forget about our long weeks by focusing on pizza and inappropriate cartoon shows. This is a fabulous start to the weekend.

Third Week of May

Monday
We’re working through a novel right now in Language Arts, and today we were supposed to work through chapter 10. Chapter 10 is the big chapter; as I tell the students, it’s the chapter in which stuff starts happening! (By this point in the story, they’re a little tired of 120 pages about cold, hungry beggar children.) Chapter 10 also includes two deaths, one very tragic and one very violent, as well as some swearing from one of the characters. It is quite possibly the most depressing, and yet most action-packed, of all of the chapters in the book.

To ensure that my students handle this chapter with as much maturity that seventh graders can muster, I read the chapter out loud to my students. They listened with increasing attention as the chapter progressed, and in each class period, I worked my read-aloud skills for all they’re worth. As the paragraph involving the swear words approached (and after a hefty lecture to remind them not to react to or repeat those words), I sped up the reading and increased the volume to convey the character’s frustration. By the time we got to the section in which a beloved character dies, the students had no choice but to be listening. (Ex-drama teachers make entertaining readers!) Through the section describing the little boy’s peaceful death, the students were swept along until the story paused for them, and when it did, some of them needed the pause to let the tragedy sink in fully. Then we were off again, on the roller coaster of another character’s vengeful emotions as he leaps into action, helping his little group to escape, rescuing the little girl, and fighting the man responsible for the first death until the man dies and the children race for their lives to escape into the hills… where they finally stop to catch their breath (and my class and I along with them!).

There’s more, of course, in this monumental chapter, but hopefully you get the idea. I don’t usually get to do this; typically the students read a portion to themselves, or they divide up the reading and report to each other in groups, or students take turns reading as the class follows along. Sometimes I forget how much fun it is to be the reader, especially when you’re the most experienced reader in the room (experience reading dramatically and experience with this particular book). Even with such a dismal story, it was thrilling to get that chance. I wish there was more time in the year so that I could do a regular read aloud with my students.


Tuesday
A few weeks ago, I moved my classroom around so that my desk was at the back of the room. This also allowed me to locate the worktable and extra chairs at the back of the room, making them more accessible for use on writer’s workshop days or to visitors. Along with the worktable, I have a second teacher chair (padded, with arms, on wheels). This chair has turned out to be a student magnet. I didn’t realize it when I moved the classroom around, but this chair is the one drawback to the new furniture arrangement. They’re obsessed with the chair; they even argue with each other over who gets to sit in the chair. They flock to it every morning (and afternoon). They fight over whether or not the chair is considered “reserved” if Mrs. Chandler calls you over for something. (Apparently it isn’t.) When I assign them to the worktable for an assignment or for some writing time, they assume I’m allowing them to sit in the chair; they argue with ME if I tell them to move to the normal chair. It reminds me a little too much of siblings fighting for the front seat! I’m going to have to declare the chair a “no go” zone.


Wednesday
More evidence that Murphy is obsessed with me: I had a sub this morning so I could go to a meeting with a teacher at one of the elementary schools. I arrived at work early to write my sub plans and managed to be on my way to the other school in plenty of time for the meeting. As I pulled into the parking lot, my phone rang. It was the union rep at the elementary school calling to tell me that the meeting had been postponed until Friday.


Thursday
Today we finished the novel we’ve been reading in Language Arts. I took volunteer readers until no one else wanted to read, and then I finished the reading myself while my students drew pictures. This is the fun part: I’ve been asking them to draw pictures throughout the novel, and they’ve been pretty depressing so far. Finally, today, the pictures are suddenly much happier, showing glad reunions, successful voyages being completed, children finding a purpose in helping others… It’s quite uplifting!


Friday
I had a sub again today, thanks to a series of meetings with people who apparently forgot that I’m actually supposed to be a classroom teacher. While I was gone, my kids worked on a paper in which they were required to write a fake letter to a fake Chinese emperor describing an invention they'd created. Most of them used actual Chinese inventions that are described in our textbook, but a few of the most creative students made up their own inventions and tried to convince the emperor to try out their fake creations. I love it when they think outside the box!

My second meeting of the morning ended up lasting three hours. It was a crazy situation in which the principal of another school had asked me to talk to him about his strengths and weaknesses as a principal. It was awkward, but productive. When we left, he asked me to meet with him again in a month or so for follow-up, so apparently I didn’t scare him off.

For this meeting, we met at the coffee shop where I seem to hold all of my meetings. My next meeting took place at a restaurant a block away. Before the fourth meeting of the day, we stopped at the coffee shop again. After the fourth meeting, which came to a shockingly abrupt end, we met at the coffee shop again. While I’m sure the proprietor of the café doesn’t mind the additional revenue, he’s got to be wondering by now if I actually work in a real classroom at a real school…

Astronomy Test

Instructions: For each scenario, list a reasonable explanation.
1. Your students are noisier than usual.
It's the Friday before spring break.
2. Your students can't sit still.
They just came back from a long, boring assembly.
3. Over 90% of your students did NOT do their homework last night.
My teaching partner scares them more than I do, so they all studied for the science test instead of writing their social studies papers.
4. One of your students threatens a teacher on his FaceBook page.
FaceBook was spawned by Satan to entrap people with no attention span and turn them into sociopaths with no conscience.
5. For the first time in 4 years, a bird poops all over the passenger side window of your car.
My emotionally disturbed rescue dog has mellowed so much that he no longer barks enough to scare away the birds.
6. The teachers at another school in the district abandon the rules of courtesy and begin harassing the daughter of a school board member about how stupid your school board is.
Maybe the girl was the mastermind behind some evil plot to control the minds of seven district leaders. Or maybe those teachers just suck.
7. A fax machine from the elementary school's office calls your classroom 11 times in 30 minutes (during class, of course).
Perhaps the machine has a philosophical objection to students learning about the multitude of nifty things that the ancient Chinese invented. (Or the fax machine was made in China and is bitter about being shipped off to the U.S.?)
8. One of your students decides to spin in circles on the way to the pencil sharpener and subsequently barfs in your classroom sink.
I'm running out of reasonable explanations here... Maybe he's just an immature 12-year-old.
9. All of your water bottles are in the dishwasher, you run out of bottled water at school, and the school water is temporarily unsanitary due to a nearby hydrant flush.
The department of public works thought it would be fun to see just how whiny a room full of 7th graders can get right after PE?

10. ALL OF THE ABOVE, on the same day.
(No, seriously. All of it. Yesterday.)
Disregard my previous answers, please. It was obviously a full moon.

Pet Names

Mr. Chandler has told me a couple times about a student who named his chicken Teriyaki. (I believe this student lives on a farm, but maybe he just had really progressive parents when it comes to pets.) Today, while trying to read my cousin's latest blog posting, I stumbled across a blog called "The Occasional Chicken." I figured it was about the writer's sporadic bouts with cowardice, but it wasn't. It's about the writer's three chickens. He's been raising these chickens for almost a year now, and he takes pictures of them and writes about their activities, etc. The chickens' names are Pot Pie, Salad Sandwich, and Noodle Soup.

This brought all kinds of thoughts into my head -- (thoughts about pet names, mostly, although there may have been a random thought about getting my car washed as well). I like it when people are creative with the names they give to people and things. (My friend and I name our cars, but that's kind of personal, so I won't be sharing that with you.) My high school choir director had a pair of house cats, one black and one white, whose names were Song and Dance. On a TV show we were watching recently, Mr. Chandler and I were amused by the name of a pet frog: Fliza Minelli (flies + liza). My brother had a cat with no name for years. We all called her "the baby" or just Kitty, and the vet put Kitty on all of her records and meds.

My own dog -- Small Dog -- is saddled with a complete misnomer of his own. His name is Sonny, but he isn't. Sadly for him, I've long suspected that his name was given long before his grouchy nature developed. We're trying to help him; his life is certainly better (and more luxurious) since he came to live with us.

We had a difficult time settling on a name for our other dog, Big Dog. His real name is Jake, but we discussed Charlie for a while before making a decision. I've often wondered if his personality would have been different if he was a Charlie. A teacher friend once told me that boys with J names are usually the biggest behavior problems in a classroom, and my nine years of teaching support that theory. I don't start the school year thinking that, but it usually pops into my brain at some point between February and April. Anyway, that always makes me wonder if part of Big Dog's hyperactivity is because of his name...

We like to call our dogs other things, as well: Schmuppies (this always makes me think of Muppets), Pupplies (I have no idea why!), All Dogs (from the movie All Dogs Go to Heaven), Jake-opotamus, Jake-osaurus, Sonny Bunny Funny Honey, Old Man (only the grouchy small dog), Wild Outdoor Jake (who doesn't seem that different from Indoor Jake), etc. I intended for this post to be about the actual names people give to their pets, but I seem to have veered into "pet names" or nicknames instead. I've come full circle, I guess. I think I'm going to start calling my dogs "Blog Dog." This is meant to sound a lot like "slug bug," now that I think about it, and I may have just invented a new game for my neighborhood. If you see my dog running down the street (not at all out of the realm of possibility for Big Dog!), you can now play a variation of "slug bug" called "Blog Dog."

Second Week of May

Monday
After a long weekend of outdoor work, I find myself lacking the motivation to do anything remotely responsible this evening. We spent Saturday travelling around to get the various ingredients necessary for a cute flowerbed and added a couple of rain barrels in the process, something I’ve been wanting for a long time. Then we spent the rest of the weekend planting and cleaning off the patio. And now I just want to sit out here and enjoy the flowers and the fountain and the bumblebees fluttering around the lavender. Dishes? Laundry? Housework? What housework? I have outdoor chores – like watching Little Dog trot around the perimeter of the yard (stopping each time to pee on the same little flower, which, I’m fairly sure, will not survive). I’m taking a lesson from Big Dog, who is currently sitting among the rosemary bushes, sniffing the wind and basking in the sunshine.


Tuesday
I kept two of my worst kids after school for detention today. One of them spent most of detention saying things like, “What would happen to me if I walk out during detention?” and “I hate this school. I hope it burns down.” In a random moment of wisdom, I managed to ignore him during all of these obnoxious little comments. I figured that he was looking for a reaction, and I was not going to give him one. (This is like a Life Lesson or Major Rule or something: If you can’t be appropriate when you speak to me, then I don’t have to continue the conversation!) It worked well, and when he suddenly turned to his social studies book and asked me what page he needed to start on, I promptly provided him with a calm answer. He stared at me for a second, and then turned back to his homework. The other boy, who has virtually no mental filter and an endless supply of tricks for avoiding the task at hand, turned to me and asked, “Are you ignoring him until he asks a homework-related question?” Both boys waited for my answer, so I smiled and said, “How many things have you labeled on your map?”

These boys are enough to make a person wish for a career change. This one particular student has been driving me nuts all year. He spent half of the year tormenting my math/science partner until they pulled him out of her class. I sometimes feel like my calm classroom presence works against me – it provides the “powers that be” with an excuse to leave him in my class. “Let’s not mess with his schedule. Mrs. Chandler can handle him.” So because I handle my discipline problems in the classroom (and don’t have many in the first place), I get stuck with the psychos.

During the endless detention experience today, I had to keep reminding myself that I’m not doing this because I expect one detention to change their personalities. I’m doing this because inappropriate behavior requires consequences. And I’m doing this to create the appropriate paper trail so that when I write the referrals that are coming, the administrators will take the situation more seriously because of the consequences I’ve already tried with these students. It’s just a paper trail. That’s all it is. If they happen to get some of their missing work taken care of in the process, that's an unexpected benefit. I can't call it a bonus or the cherry on top or anything like that... those phrases imply that I'm having a good time or that I'm getting something positive from these detentions. I'm not. They suck more for me than they do for the students.


Wednesday
This is crazy. We had a review session today for a big quiz they’re taking on Friday. I let the students work in teams for the review session, so they were gathered in groups around the room. I have three classes of students for an hour and a half each during my teaching day. During my first class, there was a crazy moment when one of my students got so excited about knowing the answer to a question that he bounced up and down in his seat. As he came back down toward the seat of his chair, he missed the chair and slid off onto the floor, his feet and legs flying up into the air. (He was okay; he thought it was kind of funny.)

I am not writing about this to make fun of my student; this is only part one of today’s story. During my second class, as we went through the same review in groups, there was a rather intense moment when one of my students got frustrated because his team got an answer wrong. He slammed his fist down on the desk, but the force sort of pushed him backwards. Because he was sitting sideways in his chair, he slid backward off the seat and onto the floor, his feet and legs flying up into the air. (He was okay; he thought it was kind of funny.)

No, it wasn’t the same chair or area of the room. But still, it’s a weird coincidence. Twice in one day? So weird!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “OMG, it happened in third period too!” But it didn’t. Instead, one of my students (walking from the Kleenex box back to his chair) accidentally interrupted the review session by getting his foot caught in the cord that raises and lowers the mini-blinds on my classroom windows. He didn’t know what had happened at first, so he turned around – in the wrong direction – and inadvertently released the mechanism that holds the blinds in place. The blinds began to lower on their own, which caused the cord to wind up into the top, which caused the boy’s foot and leg to be pulled higher and higher into the air, which caused him to lose his balance and put his arms out and hop forward a little, which allowed the cord to pull his foot even higher… until he looked like a very uncomfortable ballerina.

He was okay; I thought it was crazy, hilarious… and a really creepy coincidence.


Thursday
Today, one of our district behavior specialists came to observe the same boy who was hoping the school would burn down during detention on Tuesday. The boy in question managed to sit quietly, answer questions appropriately, and finish his assignment completely. The poor behavior specialist looked aggravated and will probably have to repeat the observation some other day; his observation was supposed to be about the behaviors that lead to this student getting kicked out and sent to another classroom. How crazy... I wonder if the specialist now thinks this kid is fine. I wonder even more what made the difference in the kid's behavior.

I think maybe crazy is the theme for this week. At the school board meeting tonight, one of the teachers presented to the board by performing a very creative rap while he beat-boxed his own rap rhythm. After his performance (and the crowd went wild), the school board chairwoman scolded him for it, saying the community didn’t appreciate rap and would probably be offended by that. She’s obviously not familiar with the west end of the school district, which, for you Portland natives, includes the fashionable and luxurious Rockwood area. I don’t even know what else to say about this; it’s just too crazy.


Friday
And the crazy continues…
I had to get a sub today because I was called into all-day contract negotiations. It was an insane day to have a sub. During homeroom, we were supposed to take our classes out to line the main hall of the school so that we could cheer on our Lifeskills class as they departed for the regional Special Olympics. During 3rd period, seven of my students were supposed to escort 5th graders around on their tour of the school. During 5th period, we were supposed to have an earthquake drill. We’re still collecting progress reports, each class is supposed to go to the library mid-way through class, and my kids are taking a massive quiz today. My teaching partner (who is also my buddy classroom) is gone today as well, and there are eight other subs in the building. How could this possibly be a worse day for a substitute? (Don't answer that; it's a rhetorical question.)

*After a long and arduous day of negotiations and caucuses and proposals and counter proposals, I decided to go home. So I don’t actually know how it went with the sub. I’m now sitting out in my backyard garden, watching my dogs browse among the rosemary, and I just can’t bring myself to care that much. I’ll worry about this on Monday.

First Week of May

Monday
Every other Monday, I drive to midtown for a counseling appointment. I usually take the freeway and get off at the exit closest to Providence Hospital. For the last year, they’ve been building a new Providence building at the intersection of Halsey and the 43rd St. exit ramp. For a while, Mr. Chandler and I were taking bets about what it was going to be, but eventually we both agreed that it had to be a Providence building. It’s the usual Providence mix of brick and glass, and it’s close enough to the main hospital campus to allow employees to travel between them quickly and easily. The building is almost finished now, and they have been putting in landscaping. At the northeast corner of the building, there are some picnic tables sheltered by giant bronze umbrella sculptures. I love them. One is upside down and looks like it would be fun for kids to play on/around. Some are actually functioning as umbrellas over the tables, although they’re oversized sculptures, so if you actually sat under one, you’d feel very small. The whole courtyard has a sort of Munchkin-Land-mixed-with-Portland effect that I think is very whimsical and creative. I might have to go have a picnic there sometime.


Tuesday
Instead of a staff meeting this morning, we met in the computer lab and had to take a technology test. I have no idea why the teachers have to take this test; apparently the government wants to know how tech-savvy we are. I don’t know what the highest staff score was, but I did a respectable job on the test. That is, I did better than the highest student score, and that’s really all I cared about. I used to teach a technology class, so a lot of it was easy (how do you write a formula in a spreadsheet, etc.). The real issue is not how much the teachers know about technology. The real issue is actually getting technology for teachers (and students) to use!


Wednesday
We had a funny discussion in one of my classes today about rules. My kids are reading a book about bands of children in 1925 post-Bolshevik Revolution Moscow, and the band that the main character joins has developed its own set of rules. Some of my students, predictably, thought this was weird and claimed they would never have rules if they were in a gang of wild kids like that. Others recognized immediately the value of the rules, which included things like no killing, no stealing from each other, no infectious diseases, and no alcohol. A good friend of mine who has now retired from teaching used to use a quote with her students to frame this discussion, and I pulled it out and dusted it off for this particular chapter in the novel. The quote (and I have no idea who said/wrote it) goes like this:

“True freedom requires managing the boundaries.”

There are all kinds of personal applications of this that have been true in my own life, but in this case, it worked well as a hint to the students about the characters’ rules in the book we’re reading. The kids talked about the school rules that make them feel safe and the school rules that make them feel restricted, and then they were able to apply this to the novel and come up with reasons for each of the rules put in place in this band of wild children. It was a great discussion, and I saw several “ah ha” moments take place. (Oh yeah... that's why I love this job...)


Thursday
Yikes. I had a half-day sub today because I was going with a member to an investigatory meeting at one of the elementary schools. (The sub was not the “yikes.” The investigatory meeting was the “yikes.”) This principal is one angry man. Fortunately, the teacher did a great job. She was calm, clear, and honest, and she answered all of his questions and provided more info than he was expecting.

I had to spend some time convincing the principal that he couldn’t just jump in without telling her what he was investigating… “Tell me about this student.” “What do you want to know about him? Where do I start?” “Oh, just tell me about him.” Um… no. The member has the right to know the nature of the investigation. He was really grumpy about this, but he finally got it right.

I know it’s necessary, but this part – representing members in unpleasant meetings with angry administrators – is definitely not my favorite part of this job.

Tonight we went to Home Depot to look for a door that comes with a pet door already installed in it. (It seems easier than cutting a hole in a metal door.) I was discouraged to find out that they don’t actually sell any pet-door doors at Home Depot. Actually, the man in the door section said they don’t sell those anywhere; instead you’re supposed to take your door and the pet door to someone who will do the cutting and installing for you. That seems kind of ridiculous. Why can’t they sell the doors pre-made? Isn’t there a construction industry standard for doors? Argh… I’m not going to pay someone to cut a hole in my door, especially not if I have to take the door off its hinges and transport it to the cutter/installer person. (How is one expected to transport a door, exactly? My car holds a lot, but that’s pushing it.) The Home Depot door man also said that current codes require a solid barrier between the garage and the house, so we're not actually allowed to put a pet door where we want to. We'll have to figure something else out.


Friday
What a glorious day!
Today is the first sunny day of this week, and after such a long stretch of rain, I think my need to get outside was as strong as that of my dogs. When I finally got home, we spend over an hour in the backyard – me trimming flowers and watering plants and generally puttering in the garden, and the dogs sniffing and peeing and barking and running and other happy-dog pastimes.

In addition to the lovely weather and the inviting outdoors, I managed a delightful hat trick with friends today. (Hat Trick = 3 in a row, usually refers to goals in sports)

My Friends Hat Trick --
1. My best friend Soldier Girl met me at school for lunch today. We had a very cheerful time. I’ve missed being able to talk to her in person, and I’ve missed getting to see her while she talks to me. (She’s very expressive.)
2. After school, I met my retired teacher friend Gretchen for coffee (although neither of us actually drank coffee). We had a lovely time. We talked about our families, our anxieties, what books we’ve been reading, what we’ve been learning, what churches we want to visit, and anything else we could think of. Gretchen is a kindred spirit; she understands me in a way that most people don’t. And I understand her fears and what is precious to her more than most people do. It was so refreshing to talk with her -- food for the soul.
3. After a disastrously stressful day, my teacher friend Connie called and wanted to hang out in the evening. She came and vented about her wretched day, and then we laughed together at my crazy dogs, and finally we decided to go see a late movie. Mr. Chandler went with us, and we chose “How to Train Your Dragon.” I’ve actually had an advertising poster for this movie stapled to my classroom wall since December, but I hadn’t seen the movie yet. It was quite entertaining. I really liked the way they animated and characterized the black dragon; he reminded me of a playful cat. The Viking boy was funny, and the animation was extremely creative in several places. I enjoyed it so much, I might have to see it again!

Fifth Week of April

Monday
This morning, on my way to work, I saw a coyote crossing Glisan Street. How crazy… an actual coyote. (I haven't seen a coyote since I moved to Portland from eastern Washington farm country.) It came from the woods next to the Wood Village Lowes and cautiously slunk across the road into the woods surrounding the ON Semiconductor complex (formerly LSI). The driver in the lane next to me and I both had to slow down while it walked right in front of us.

Coming so soon after my morning raccoon encounter last week, this made me think about the development of areas that were formerly quite wild. Gresham grew out of farm land and berry fields, and Fairview was developed on top of a massive bramble patch. I’m not really sure what Troutdale was, but Wood Village seems like a funny little after-thought. We’re so close to untamed forests and mountains and all of the wildlife that goes with those. I wonder if there will come a time when nature will take back the land, and the wild animals that we’ve pushed out will come back into the neighborhoods. A raccoon seems harmless enough, but a coyote? And does anyone else remember the cougar in Troutdale during the spring of 2006?


Tuesday
My action team was supposed to present at the staff meeting this morning. Imagine our anxiety when the Superintendent walked in with the Director of Curriculum and Instruction! They sat at a table and expected us to proceed with our presentation as normal. It was a bit intimidating. Fortunately, once we heard what they were there for, no one remembered anything my action team had to say.

When we were finished, the superintendent got up and started talking to us about our fabulous state test scores and how much good work we’ve done and how they need to replicate that in the other schools in the district too. As my colleagues listened, they apparently began to be very frightened that the district was going to transfer a bunch of teachers from our school into the other schools. (I heard this later.) They aren’t. Instead, they’re taking our principal and moving him to the district office to be the Director of School Improvement.

They brought our new principal with them, too. He is a TOSA this year at the district office, but he used to be one of our own 6th grade teachers. He is known and loved by the staff at our school. He seemed a bit nervous about the announcement, though, because he was lurking in the foyer of the library, not actually coming into the room. We were relieved to know that our principal would not be replaced by some wacko from who-knows-where, and even more relieved to know that we’re getting a good guy who is extremely even-keeled.

There was some minor outrage at the surprise of it all, of course. His teacher friends from the 6th grade team were shocked that he hadn’t told anyone, but he explained that he’d only known since the previous afternoon. The day before, he’d had lunch with us (and sat by me, talking with me about his new vice principal job at Parkrose Middle School for next year). When he left our lunch party, he said he was going over to Parkrose to sign his contract. Apparently, OUR district called him back to the office while he was driving over there. When he arrived, they offered him the head principal position at our school – and were very glad he hadn’t signed his contract yet with Parkrose. He felt awful about Parkrose, but they were nice about it, and this is a job he just couldn’t turn down.

As we proceeded through the rest of our school day after this very dramatic morning staff meeting, it seemed – for once – that the typical middle school drama for that day involved the teachers more than the students!


Wednesday
Holy cow. They arrested an 8th grader at Mr. Chandler’s school for vandalizing his neighbors’ property and for cutting down trees along Highway 26. They’re calling the kid the “Chainsaw Chicken.” I guess they’re assuming that there is something cowardly about his sneaking around at night. I wouldn’t call it cowardly… if someone is going to sneak around chopping down trees and causing dangerous traffic accidents, taking advantage of the cover of darkness seems like a wise choice (if you can use the word “wise” for someone like that). I never thought I'd say this, but maybe they should have given him some video games or something so he would stay inside...


Thursday
This afternoon, I attended the “community” forum put on by the school board for staff and community members to meet the two candidates for superintendent. I’m not sure they can really call it a community forum, since it was held at 4 p.m. while much of the community was still at work. The room was full of teachers, with a scattering of administrators and students. The candidate was interesting (in a lame sort of way). Every time someone asked her how she would handle a particular challenge facing our district, she answered by talking about things that are important… but she never actually said what she was going to do. “How will you try to increase student achievement?” “When you’re trying to increase student achievement, curriculum is really important.” (Yes… but what are you going to DO with it? Examine it? Replace it? Support it?) It was obnoxious, and it makes her sound like a poor communicator. I hope they don’t pick her.


Friday
I got new iPod games today! One of them is terribly addicting. It’s called “Flight Control,” and it involves tracing a path for airplanes to land on the runways safely (without hitting each other). It's way harder than it sounds. I also got a game called “Fruit Ninja” in which you use a sword to slice fruit. I like to play “Fruit Ninja” on mute and add my own sword-slicing sound effects. I have to be careful, though. I’ve already gotten some pretty weird looks from the people around me.

In the words of Lucy Van Pelt…

Stop the world; I want to get off!

What a crazy couple of weeks… I have neglected my postings amid the hustle and bustle of work. And has it ever been hustling and bustling! What with the aftermath of the transfer process, the deaths of a high school teacher and the mother of one of my students, getting a new principal, the ongoing school board scandals about the budget process, a new superintendent, contract negotiations that have fallen into a black hole, and complications with the union officer elections, I consider myself lucky that I managed to keep up with my actual teaching job. While I’d like to say that things have settled down, I fear that’s not really true. So I’ll just say that I stumbled into a blissfully empty weekend… and I hope to get my blog postings caught up very shortly.

Fourth Week of April

Monday
This evening I stopped by to see the mother of my dearest friend – Soldier Girl. My friend arrives home tomorrow, and my attention will be on her, so I wanted to take this last chance to say hello and give her mom a hug. During my friend’s deployment, I thought of her mother often, usually taking comfort in knowing that someone else missed her as terribly as I did. She was so nice and welcoming, and we sat and chatted for a few minutes. Then my friend’s dad came home, full of stories about his day in the police department. The best part was when I was leaving and we were able to say, “I’ll see you tomorrow!” She comes home for good tomorrow…


Tuesday
My dear friend Soldier Girl came home today! She arrived just before noon and promptly went to sleep. I was invited to her first dinner at home -- at her parents’ house (probably because her mom realized that she was going to commandeer a vehicle and come to visit me, with or without dinner). After school and a couple of meetings, I finally made it over there. I was so happy to see her, and she seemed equally happy to see me. She was full of stories and things to show us, while I was full of questions. Her dad was full of his own stories about his time in the Marine Corps, and they reveled in their shared understanding of military ways. We sat around the dinner table for much longer than any of us are used to, and made no effort to move on until after it was dark outside. After such an evening and after missing her for so long, it was hard to leave her. At least this time I know it won’t be another four months before I see her again.


Wednesday
I know I say this every week, but I am seriously I need of a vacation. I can’t remember what happened on Wednesday (and it’s only 3 days later). That’s pathetic.


Thursday
This morning on my way to work, when I passed the last house before the school (the blue house at the northeast corner of school property), I saw a raccoon. He was sitting in the front yard of the blue house. As I slowed down to stare at him, he stopped whatever weird critter thing he was doing to stare back at me. As I slowly rolled toward the stop sign on the corner, he slowly backed away toward the neighbor’s house. SO random, and a little bit creepy…

I am growing increasingly frustrated at the configuration of my classroom. I sit in a weird corner with no view of the door or the pod. I have extra storage because I’m right next to the cabinets, but my area is so awkward and hidden. Also, the kids are always scooting their desks forward, which makes it impossible for me to get to my phone during class. (Mind you, getting rid of the phone would be an acceptable solution to me, but I don’t see that happening.) My work table is inaccessible, so I’ve taken to sitting at an empty student desk in the back row during class – but then the students who need help end up crowding the students who sit near me. It’s a problem, and it’s bothering me more and more every day. I plan to rearrange my room at the end of the school year (for next year)… It’s driving me crazy.

During seventh period today, I had some boys who were done with their work and looking for jobs to do or errands to run. So I had them move some bookshelves for me. They moved the shelves that house three sets of textbooks to the front corner of the classroom, leaving the back corner barren. As I faced the empty corner, I felt the old frustration with the layout of my classroom returning… and instead of making plans for the end of the school year, I impulsively decided to move my room around immediately after school. It took me about two hours to get everything moved, and I eventually called Mr. Chandler to come help me. I know it was stupid. Tomorrow, my kids are going to make a big deal out of it, and I’ll be cleaning up around the room for the next week. But I love it already!


Friday
I was right, on several counts:
My students made a big deal out of my rearranged room.
Other teachers thought I was crazy to move mid-year.
I have small, messy piles around the room now that have to be cleaned up.
My classroom is more functional already.
I can see who’s at the door.
I can have kids working at the work table (for the first time all year).
I have a place for visitors to sit.
I can see the caller ID on my phone.
This is fantastic.