Astronomy Test

Instructions: For each scenario, list a reasonable explanation.
1. Your students are noisier than usual.
It's the Friday before spring break.
2. Your students can't sit still.
They just came back from a long, boring assembly.
3. Over 90% of your students did NOT do their homework last night.
My teaching partner scares them more than I do, so they all studied for the science test instead of writing their social studies papers.
4. One of your students threatens a teacher on his FaceBook page.
FaceBook was spawned by Satan to entrap people with no attention span and turn them into sociopaths with no conscience.
5. For the first time in 4 years, a bird poops all over the passenger side window of your car.
My emotionally disturbed rescue dog has mellowed so much that he no longer barks enough to scare away the birds.
6. The teachers at another school in the district abandon the rules of courtesy and begin harassing the daughter of a school board member about how stupid your school board is.
Maybe the girl was the mastermind behind some evil plot to control the minds of seven district leaders. Or maybe those teachers just suck.
7. A fax machine from the elementary school's office calls your classroom 11 times in 30 minutes (during class, of course).
Perhaps the machine has a philosophical objection to students learning about the multitude of nifty things that the ancient Chinese invented. (Or the fax machine was made in China and is bitter about being shipped off to the U.S.?)
8. One of your students decides to spin in circles on the way to the pencil sharpener and subsequently barfs in your classroom sink.
I'm running out of reasonable explanations here... Maybe he's just an immature 12-year-old.
9. All of your water bottles are in the dishwasher, you run out of bottled water at school, and the school water is temporarily unsanitary due to a nearby hydrant flush.
The department of public works thought it would be fun to see just how whiny a room full of 7th graders can get right after PE?

10. ALL OF THE ABOVE, on the same day.
(No, seriously. All of it. Yesterday.)
Disregard my previous answers, please. It was obviously a full moon.