My Most Sincere Apologies to Ms. Julie Andrews

For several years now, I've referred to some of the more significant movies starring Julie Andrews as though the characters in the films are the same person. For example, whenever The Princess Diaries comes up in conversation, I point out that Maria from the Sound of Music grew up to be the Queen of Genovia (since both characters are played by Julie Andrews). Mary Poppins works the same way. As new seventh graders, my students are usually confused enough by this to give me that wonderfully amusing look that tells me they're not entirely sure I'm joking. (Is she nuts? Why do they let weirdos like this in the classroom?) This passes quickly, however, and within a few short months, I have revealed myself to be merely a quirky nerd with a bizarre sense of humor. At that point, my Queen of Genovia jokes really aren't amusing to anyone but me, so I abandon them. At some point last year, I found myself shifting into slightly more subtle form of humor at Julie Andrews' expense. When any of her characters or films are mentioned, I comment, "She's a witch." This is far more interesting to my students, and they ask me to explain myself AND listen raptly to my reasoning (instead of the typical rolling of the eyes at my corny jokes). As I've been urged repeatedly by students, friends, and spouse to blog my beliefs about Ms. Andrews' film characters, I will take the opportunity to do so now.

My theory is simple: Mary Poppins is a witch. Anyone who has seen the movie will have to agree that there are copious amounts of wizardry and witchcraft used throughout the movie. The room that cleans itself up? The carpet bag with more storage capacity than a customs warehouse? The laughing fits that lift people to the ceiling? Come on, people! This isn't Willy Wonka's factory, and there is no carbonated burping soda. Face the truth, Disney lovers: She's a witch with the powers of dark magic at her disposal. How else can you explain her flying in via umbrella? Also, I believe that the crazy neighbor who thinks he's still on a ship recognizes the incoming and outgoing nannies as a coven of witches and is merely trying to shoot them out of the sky with his cannon. And we must not ignore the most most damning evidence of all: who but a witch could force children to jump into a sidewalk and spend an afternoon among cartoon people and penguins?

I have no idea how Fraulein Maria fits into this, except to express confusion and suspicion about two small elements in the film -- the puppets and the curtain clothes. But rest assured, the Queen of Genovia has wizardry connections. She must have; there's no other explanation for the worldwide recognition of her monarchy in an imaginary country.

So there you have it -- my suspicious theory regarding a beloved Disney nanny. Next time, perhaps I'll expound on the evils of OnStar...