Because I'm Not Enough of a Freak Already?

My students have urged me to post a blog describing my random and startling fall in class recently... But I don't feel like embarrassing myself further. It is enough to say that when one wears sandals with moderate heels, one should stand still and not attempt to stand on one's toes by balancing on the heels of said sandals. Also, when one takes an unexpected tumble in front of a crowd, a weird, high-pitched "whoop!" is NOT the appropriate sound effect. (I have no idea what the appropriate sound effect in that situation is... obviously.)

My Most Sincere Apologies to Ms. Julie Andrews

For several years now, I've referred to some of the more significant movies starring Julie Andrews as though the characters in the films are the same person. For example, whenever The Princess Diaries comes up in conversation, I point out that Maria from the Sound of Music grew up to be the Queen of Genovia (since both characters are played by Julie Andrews). Mary Poppins works the same way. As new seventh graders, my students are usually confused enough by this to give me that wonderfully amusing look that tells me they're not entirely sure I'm joking. (Is she nuts? Why do they let weirdos like this in the classroom?) This passes quickly, however, and within a few short months, I have revealed myself to be merely a quirky nerd with a bizarre sense of humor. At that point, my Queen of Genovia jokes really aren't amusing to anyone but me, so I abandon them. At some point last year, I found myself shifting into slightly more subtle form of humor at Julie Andrews' expense. When any of her characters or films are mentioned, I comment, "She's a witch." This is far more interesting to my students, and they ask me to explain myself AND listen raptly to my reasoning (instead of the typical rolling of the eyes at my corny jokes). As I've been urged repeatedly by students, friends, and spouse to blog my beliefs about Ms. Andrews' film characters, I will take the opportunity to do so now.

My theory is simple: Mary Poppins is a witch. Anyone who has seen the movie will have to agree that there are copious amounts of wizardry and witchcraft used throughout the movie. The room that cleans itself up? The carpet bag with more storage capacity than a customs warehouse? The laughing fits that lift people to the ceiling? Come on, people! This isn't Willy Wonka's factory, and there is no carbonated burping soda. Face the truth, Disney lovers: She's a witch with the powers of dark magic at her disposal. How else can you explain her flying in via umbrella? Also, I believe that the crazy neighbor who thinks he's still on a ship recognizes the incoming and outgoing nannies as a coven of witches and is merely trying to shoot them out of the sky with his cannon. And we must not ignore the most most damning evidence of all: who but a witch could force children to jump into a sidewalk and spend an afternoon among cartoon people and penguins?

I have no idea how Fraulein Maria fits into this, except to express confusion and suspicion about two small elements in the film -- the puppets and the curtain clothes. But rest assured, the Queen of Genovia has wizardry connections. She must have; there's no other explanation for the worldwide recognition of her monarchy in an imaginary country.

So there you have it -- my suspicious theory regarding a beloved Disney nanny. Next time, perhaps I'll expound on the evils of OnStar...

Matched by Ally Condy

I’ve been reading this book, and it’s really making me angry. It’s a young adult sci-fi novel about a utopia/dystopian society in which those in control (“the Society”) decided that society was over-stimulated by all of the fine arts creations in the world. So they took all of the songs that had ever been written and sifted through them and selected the 100 songs they thought were the best, the most relevant, the most worthy, the most important for society to hear… and destroyed the rest. Then they did the same with books, poems, works of art (paintings, drawings, sketches), sculptures, pieces of classical music, etc. Society then moved forward using only the “100 Best” of each type of fine art creation. The "100 Best" were taught and studied, and all others were forbidden.

When I read this, I was surprised by my own angry reaction to it. I think I was reacting to two parts – first, that a group of people would presume to decide for the rest of the world what constitutes the “best” of the last several hundred years, and second, that it leaves no room for future generations to create new and innovative works of fine art. This, naturally, led me to think about all of the different books people write – and, because I’m an English teacher, about the books that teachers use in class. We’ve been examining the new Common Core Curriculum Standards that will govern what we teach next year, and, as it does every year, the conversation about standards brought up the always-touchy topic of what books we’ll teach our students. There’s almost a “Society”-style group of books of which English teachers approve, and heaven help you if you choose something more unworthy.

This year, our library received an unprecedented grant for purchasing books for the library collection and for our curriculum use. We were asked to turn in wish lists by our library media specialist, who then ordered everything – EVERYTHING – we wanted using the money from this grant. We have new titles for the library and new book sets, both fiction and nonfiction. And yet… as I sat in my department meeting listening to my colleagues talk about which books they will be using next year, there were only two of us in the room who were even interested in using the new materials. Every other teacher at the meeting talked about using the same books they’ve always used.

In my colleagues’ defense, I know they don’t mean to be censoring other books. I know that they choose the same novels because these books are worthy and because the teachers know how the books fit the standards and what great stuff they can find in the books to help their students master the standards. Personally, though, I always agonize over which books to choose for a year. If I choose this one, what am I leaving out? What will my students miss out on because of the book choices I made? Is it really responsible for teachers to simply use the same books over and over, year after year? And who are we to decide that these are the “best” books for our students?